Day 56 - May 26

I had the initial discussion with the E-Commerce company today. The hiring manager seemed a little tired while speaking with me. I thought I gave good answers, but let's see.

Day 53 - May 23

I went through the entire Victor Cheng's Case Interview Secrets book and the LOMS videos and also went through about 10 cases so far. Now I get the hang of it, but I need to practice to get better.

Today again I had a call with the travel company and they asked me to look for opportunities in the US and touch base with them later. Idiots! Why do they schedule a call and waste my time, I don't understand.

Recruiting is really going downhill. I need better time management. This is the status of last week and it doesn't look promising.

Statistics for week 6 ending May 20th 

1. Informationals - 1
2. Applications - 2
3. Emails sent - 19
1. Alums - 6
2. Recruiters - 13
4. Questions - 0

I finally managed to have the courage to case with two people online. For the first one, I was pushed to do it because I had given a case already and my case partner wanted to return the favor. However, I did terribly and was so discouraged. My case partner gave me an actual case from an interview. Also, I couldn't understand his accent and couldn't understand the question either. I simply did not understand the graph. The second case practice was so much better. This again, I had given a case before and my case partner scheduled time with me to give me a case. I got great feedback and points to improve. It was a profit and loss calculation and more of a strategic case. My case partner was simply awesome! I mean, I was impressed. People who I contacted on the internet behaving so nicely and fairly! Much much better than my B-School classmates, for sure. One of them knows I am recruiting, but still asked me to give her cases. Not, can we practice casing, but can I give her cases. Incorrigible.

Day 49 - May 19

Every day, I learn something new. Yesterday, someone who I had thought was a close friend left without as much saying a bye. So much for two years together. I don't think I'll make any effort for our paths to cross again. 

Day 47 - May 17

So today I had a call from the recruiter of the company I interned for. Its an analyst position and they will pay me just $65000. What the hell! My classmates are making double that amount, honestly. I will anyway go for the interview. 

I was supposed to have another call with an ad-tech startup, but for some reason, they didn't call. I hate ad-tech with a passion. I hate ads, and really there's nothing more annoying to go and work for a product you don't believe in. I would rather work for the travel company, because their business model seems good and I'm at least interested in the product.

I have an interview with an E-Commerce internet company next week. I'm really excited about them and want to prepare well for them. 

I sorted out the loan thing today. Can't believe every day accrues $34 in interest. That's a lot!  I can't afford expensive lunches and dinners now. The last dinner I went to was $27. I will try and pay the principal as much as I can by the end of this year. Much of my morning was spent doing this. Then I had the call with the recruiter and spoke with family for sometime.

In the afternoon, I somehow wasted time on Facebook and was waiting for that ad-tech company to call me. I looked a bit for sublets. I should be more productive. I didn't case as well. I'll do that now.

I was supposed to case with someone at 8:00 pm but it was a no show. Anyhow, I'm not so mentally alert by 8:00 so I am not going to take any of these calls. So annoying, to schedule something and not show up.

B-School has been people full of backbiting and acting so fake. I have had people bitch about each other and still behave as if they were best of friends when they were with each other. I'm so over it. 

Day 46 - May 16

I started working on the cases. I have found a few people to prepare the cases with. My target is to work out at least 5 cases per day thoroughly. I would have prepared 150 cases by the mid of next month.

I woke up by 8:30 and emailed recruiters at Microsoft and Salesforce. I got an alum to refer me at Salesforce.

I also gave a case to someone today over Skype. It went well, but I didn't yet take any case. I should leave my fear thinking out loud and go for it.

I then went for dinner with a friend. Really disappointed that people only hang out with me only when they don't have anyone else. One of my other friends was supposed to hang out but she didn't call me because her family is in town. Well, whatever! I'm busy now and really don't have time for others. I don't care.

Day 43 - May 13

Statistics for week 4 ending May 6th 

1. Informationals - 6
2. Applications - 70
3. Emails sent - 36
1. Alums - 16
2. Recruiters - 20
4. Questions - 0

Statistics for week 5 ending May 13th 

1. Informationals - 3
2. Applications - 62
3. Emails sent - 5
1. Alums - 5
2. Recruiters - 0
4. Questions - 0

Day 42 - May 12

Its been a busy day. I have to move out of the apartment, find a place in the Bay Area and try and sell my stuff. Was busy sorting out stuff and didn't get much time to apply or do other things. 

Day 39 - May 9

I had a conversation with the recruiter at Capital One and the initial discussions are scheduled for June 15th. That's more than a month from now. I really have to do well on the initial round. I have to take the assessment with the Travel Brokerage company as well. I followed up with the startup to see if they had any news. 

Its been days since I left the house. I think the last time I went out was on Thursday. It's been four days now. I hardly went anywhere, not even for a walk. There's no happiness in my heart so its hard to step out. I remember the days I used to go for a swim. I was happy. Even then I had nothing in my hand, but I had hope. Hope is strange. It means a lot and makes your life worth living. Without hope, life becomes meaningless.

I applied to a few other positions at the company I interned for. I am not yet done with them. Will keep trying. I got referrals there, so it has been easier to apply. 

Day 38 - May 8

I woke up at 9:00 am today and convinced myself to sleep until 10:30 am. Was feeling so frustrated. I went to bed early as well because I was feeling feverish. Applied for a few positions. 

Day 37 - May 7

I woke up at 9:30 am today. I applied to 12 positions in T-Mobile. I have to apply to other companies as well. I got a referral from an alum at T-Mobile so I was able to apply there with the referral. However, I could only customize one application and not sure whether the other applications will be considered because it was about business analysis and I don't have work experience in that. I'm applying to another company Fortinet now. There are several sales positions there and I'm applying to those now. 

Day 36 - May 6

I'm in much better spirits today. I no longer have the feeling of depression. I had another call with the startup and it went ok, although I think my stories could have been better. I need to get into a larger company because of the visa. One larger company and a startup reached back to me asking if I was interested in a inside sales representative position and a product analyst position. I have scheduled a call with the larger company on Monday. The call is with the recruiter, so I think it should be fine. 

Day 35 - May 5

Today, when I woke up around 8, I was like "Oh its morning already?" and I tried so hard to drift back into sleep but couldn't. I cried a bit and then I finally got up from bed at 9:00. I had tea and applied to a couple of positions at ShoreTel. I applied to 4 positions and there are still a couple of positions that I need to apply to. I will apply to Program Manager positions there as well. This takes so much time. Its 11:00 am already and I submitted only 4 applications. I should do more. 

Day 34 - May 4

I heard back from the company that I was not selected. I'm heartbroken and sad. It was not my dream job but it was good for visa purposes. I'm mad at them because, from the conversations, the hiring manager actually gave me a lot of hope that they were going to move forward. However, it did look like I was going to be stuck in a place without much scope. This would have been a good backup while I look for other things. I'm thankful that they didn't keep me waiting for months and that is because I pushed them to let me know earlier. I learnt two lessons from this experience:

1. No matter what people say, don't trust them until you have a written offer.
2. Keep looking until you get a signed offer.

I had bought a cup of ice cream to comfort myself if I got rejected. I had that and then went and took a shower and will go out for some fresh air to clear my mind.

I have to apply to other companies now. The more I think about it, the more tearful I am. I don't know how long I can sustain this state. I feel so alone and depressed. I sometimes think of going back home. That's such a defeatist attitude, I know. I will prepare for the startup. Something might work out. I cringe when I think of the first round of interviews I had for the startup. I was thinking that this company might work out and didn't even care to prepare.

Day 33 - May 3

I woke up at around 8:00. That's pretty early for me considering how all other days have been. I was on a call with my sister and she rudely switched calls even without telling me. I kept trying to call her but was not able to reach her. Anyways, I was too annoyed and texted her not to bother calling me again. I wept for a while. Maybe its just my state of mind that I cry for all these things. If I was in a happier state of mind, I'm sure I wouldn't have taken it personally. I would have had my own things to do and would have gone to do those things. My annoying brother in law was anyways arguing with me and I don't even want to speak with these people again.

I went outside to get lunch and I run into another annoying classmate who asks me where I'm going after graduation. Why the hell do you care?

I contacted a few recruiters at Capital One and applied to a few companies.

Day 32 - May 2

I am not feeling well. So today the recruiter emailed me and said that they were proceeding with interviews with other candidates for the position and would let me know in another two days or 48 hours. Oh God, this is pure torture that I have to wait. However, I'm happy that at least it will be over in another 48 hours. I have made up my mind to hear a no. Even if it is no, I should not break down.

I'm so stupid for putting recruitment on hold while waiting for these idiots.

I will apply to roles at Capital One and prepare for the interview at the fintech startup. That's the most I can do now. 

Day 31 - May 1

I spent the whole night watching movies. I didn't get much sleep. I slept in the early hours of the morning. Again, I have fallen into the depression of joblessness. I don't think I can take this much longer. I got into an argument with my brother-in-law yesterday. He was unnecessarily arguing with me and I didn't back off either. It was over some stupid thing like career choice and things that didn't even matter. I should make sure not to call when he's around.

I somehow managed to avoid all the people who were making me feel bad. I don't want to voluntarily spend time with them, no matter what they do. There is a limit to the insults I can take.