Day 34 - May 4

I heard back from the company that I was not selected. I'm heartbroken and sad. It was not my dream job but it was good for visa purposes. I'm mad at them because, from the conversations, the hiring manager actually gave me a lot of hope that they were going to move forward. However, it did look like I was going to be stuck in a place without much scope. This would have been a good backup while I look for other things. I'm thankful that they didn't keep me waiting for months and that is because I pushed them to let me know earlier. I learnt two lessons from this experience:

1. No matter what people say, don't trust them until you have a written offer.
2. Keep looking until you get a signed offer.

I had bought a cup of ice cream to comfort myself if I got rejected. I had that and then went and took a shower and will go out for some fresh air to clear my mind.

I have to apply to other companies now. The more I think about it, the more tearful I am. I don't know how long I can sustain this state. I feel so alone and depressed. I sometimes think of going back home. That's such a defeatist attitude, I know. I will prepare for the startup. Something might work out. I cringe when I think of the first round of interviews I had for the startup. I was thinking that this company might work out and didn't even care to prepare.